The Unsub We're Looking For
by Anonymous Skrtle
Summary: There is a dangerous Unsub lurking among the BAU team. Will the team catch him or her in time? Or will they all succumb to the fatal pranks of the notorious Serial Prankster? Rated K to be safe.
1. The Unsub

**The Unsub We're Looking For...**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

**This is set when Emily Prentiss is still in the BAU, probably after season 7 episode 4 due to mention of the prank war between Morgan and Reid.**

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"Derek Alexander Morgan!"

Morgan's pen froze in the middle of the word "and". He knew that voice anywhere- it haunted his nightmares at night- it was the Mad Emily Prentiss Voice, or MEPV for short, or the You're-Going-To-Die-Very-Soon-Voice for long.

The muscular man swiveled around in his chair, not at all ashamed to admit he was terrified of what was going to occur in the next minute or so. "Hi, Emily." Calling Prentiss by her first name was proven to make her less angry.

But all his fear disappeared when he saw the predicament that had fallen upon the female FBI agent. Emily's face was covered in a white-colored powder- was that flour? "What happened to you, Prentiss?" Morgan chuckled, only to be silenced by one of Prentiss's deadly glares. The Mad Emily Prentiss Glare, they called it- MEPG for short.

"Don't give me that, Morgan!" Prentiss slammed something down onto Morgan's desk, the loud noise startling everyone else in the bullpen. Morgan glanced down at it.

"What's that? Is that a flour bomb?" Morgan asked incredulously.

Prentiss rolled her eyes. "Don't play dumb with me, Morgan. I know you did it. I opened my desk drawer to get a pen and flour exploded in my face!"

Morgan was taken aback at how little Prentiss trusted him. "You think _I_ did this? I had nothing to do with this!"

Prentiss narrowed her eyes at him. "Really? Who else could it be?"

"Uh, the whole team knows where your desk is. Any of them could have done it. It could even be Anderson, or Kevin Lynch, or anyone who knows you. Have you asked any of _them_ yet?" How could she accuse him of something like this without any proof? She should know better than anyone you needed proof to prove someone guilty. And so far, no proof against Derek Morgan had been uncovered.

Emily shook her head, glancing around at the team. "You swear you didn't do this?" She clarified. Morgan nodded.

"I swear I didn't do this. And Emily, my middle name's not Alexander."

Emily looked surprised. "Really? Are you sure?"

"It's my middle name, Prentiss. Of course I'm sure. Why would you even think that in the first place?"

"Oh. Reid told me it meant 'Defender of Men', and I guess I just assumed it was your middle name, considering you_ are _a defender. Of men."

Morgan shook his head, sighing.

Prentiss continued to scrutinize every inch of the bullpen. "Who could it be? Garcia? JJ? Rossi? Who else could it be if it's not you?"

Morgan stared at her, wide-eyed. This was a profiler in front of him, right? "Uh, hello? It's never crossed your mind that it could be our resident genius over there?" He gestured to where Reid was peacefully "polyphasic sleeping" on the couch. He hugged a pillow against his chest.

Emily glanced at Reid, looking as if she'd forgotten he was even there. "Reid? Look at him, Morgan. He's innocent."

People turned to glance at the two agents when Morgan began laughing hysterically. Prentiss looked around to find the source of his hysteric laughter. "What's so funny?"

Morgan calmed down in about ten seconds. "Innocent? Prentiss, look at me." He said seriously. "Reid's not just a prankster. He's a nuclear _atomic bomb."_

"What?" Emily looked at Morgan as if he'd grown two heads in the shape of atomic bombs.

"Last time I pranked him, he got me back by screaming in my ear. You remember that, don't you? You were sitting right next to me." Prentiss nodded. "And then the next morning, I woke up with one eyebrow and purple hair! That kid is the devil when it comes to pranks, Prentiss."

"Oh... so _that's_ why you had one eyebrow that time. I've always wondered." Prentiss said in realization. "Okay, so maybe it's Reid. How are we supposed to know?"

Morgan smirked. "Whoever this prankster is, I'm certain he or she isn't finished yet. A flour bomb? That's amateur. He or she's just getting starting, Prentiss."

* * *

"Derek Morgan! I am going to _kill_ you!"

Morgan looked up from his reports to see a very angry Penelope Garcia storming towards him, her golden necklace swinging frantically around her neck. "Hey, hey, hey, slow down! What'd I do this time?" He asked defensively, feeling an all-too-familiar sense of déjà vu.

The brightly-dressed woman shoved something on a stick into Morgan's hands. "How could you do something like that to me?" It was a caramel apple with rainbow-colored sprinkles on it.

"What's wrong? I thought you loved caramel." Morgan bit into the apple, and then simultaneously spit it back out. "What in the name of- is this an onion?" He sputtered, feeling quite stupid for falling for the classic "caramel onion" trick.

Garcia looked at him, surprised. "You didn't put that on my desk? What- then who did?"

"Wait. Maybe this is the same person who flour-bombed Prentiss." Morgan realized, still wiping onion from his tongue. "He's evolving. This time he's causing physical pain." He stated, wiping onion-induced tears from his eyes.

"Who's evolving? We have another case?" David Rossi asked, walking in. "Why didn't anyone tell me about this?"

"No, we're not talking about an Unsub, Rossi. There's a prankster roaming around the BAU." Garcia announced dramatically. "They've gotten Prentiss, and now me."

Rossi's eyes lit up, curious. "Really?" He went to sit down in Reid's seat. "Do tell."

Suddenly, the piercing sound of an air horn sounded loudly through the bullpen. Rossi jumped five feet (okay, fine, maybe more like a few inches) in the air, shouting in surprise. "Holy mother of all- what was that?"

Morgan and Garcia had collapsed into laughter. Rossi glared at them, bending down and revealing a bright red air horn under Reid's seat. "Your face- oh my god, that was priceless!" Garcia chortled. Morgan was laughing to hard to speak, tears springing into his eyes once again.

Rossi rolled his eyes. "I am going to find whoever did this and shove their face into the wall!" He vowed. Morgan and Garcia had finally calmed down, wiping tears from their eyes. "You guys think this is the same person who pranked Prentiss and you, Garcia?"

The two nodded. "Oh, definitely. This guy or girl is definitely getting bolder." Morgan said.

Rossi raised his eyebrows. "He or she's already struck three times. That makes him a serial prankster."

Morgan and Garcia glanced at each other. "I guess it's time to call in the Hotch Rocket." Garcia announced.

Rossi nodded, already walking towards their Unit Chief's office. "I agree. But please do us all a favor and do _not_ call him that in front of his face."

* * *

"You all probably know why we're gathered here today. There is a dangerous unsub on the loose. We call him a serial prankster." Hotch announced to the other six members of the BAU team and the rest of the FBI agents working on the same floor.

"Based on his victim pool, we are quite certain the unsub we are looking for is among the BAU team. This unsub is highly knowledgeable in pranks and knows the BAU team well, which goes on to suggest he or she is one of our own." Everyone looked around at each other, suspicious.

"This prankster has evolved rather quickly, and we believe his or her motivation to be pure amusement. He or she will not stop until he or she is satisfied, and so we expect him or her to target every single BAU member who has not yet been targeted. We warn all to be vigilant, especially the BAU, and if you think you have a suspect in mind, please speak to me in my office. Thank you." The other FBI agents left, muttering amongst each other, leaving only the BAU team.

"I want this prankster caught and stopped before he or she causes any more trouble. Strauss is already on my heels about this." Hotch told all of them, a warning look on his face.

The team continued to cast dubious glances at each other as Hotch walked out of the bullpen. He opened the door leading out of the BAU office.

It happened in slow motion. None of them had noticed the bucket posed on the top of the door until it was too late. Everyone watched in absolute horror as the bucket tilted downwards, washing Hotch's head with what looked to be milk.

Scratch that- chunky sour milk.

Hotch turned around, breathing heavily. Morgan covered his mouth as a smile crept its way onto his face. Garcia's mouth hung wide open in horror. Rossi's eyebrows were raised in amusement. JJ and Prentiss shared horrified glances with each other. Reid stared with wide eyes.

"I want this prankster found _now."_ He ordered, spitting something chunky and white out of his mouth. Garcia looked away in disgust. No one moved until Rossi finally realized that, being the elderly one of the group, he should probably take action to help his boss.

"Let's get you cleaned up, Hotch. I'll get maintenance to clean this mess up." He assured the shocked man, leading him out of the office.

The remaining five burst into laughter. "Now _that _was priceless!" Garcia pointed out. "But horrible, too, definitely horrible." She added quickly.

"The unsub must be highly audacious to pull something off like this on Hotch, of all people." Reid added. "I mean, it's Hotch!"

Morgan turned toward him. "Who's to say it's not you, Einstein?" He challenged. Reid looked genuinely hurt Morgan would even consider him to be a suspect.

"I don't pull pranks unless I'm provoked. And I have not been provoked." He defended himself. Rossi walked back through the door, listening to their argument.

"I agree. Reid's too big of a kiss-up. He'd never do this to Hotch." Rossi supported.

"Thanks, Rossi, I knew you'd- hey!" Reid sounded offended. Rossi only shrugged.

"It's true."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"Hey! Does it really matter?" JJ asked exasperatedly. "God, you two act like children." She muttered, making Morgan chuckle.

"And anyways, Rossi, you were quick to jump up and help Hotch. Serial pranksters, based on our knowledge of serial killers, love to inject themselves into the investigation, or, in this case, the prank." Prentiss pointed out.

Everyone murmured in agreement. Rossi shook his head. "None of you volunteered to help him; what was I supposed to do? Get fired?"

"Answering a question with a question- that's classic guilty behavior." Morgan pointed out.

"I am _not_ guilty. And anyways, I got pranked too, remember?"

"Technically, that prank was meant for Reid." JJ countered.

"So what? You think I would forget where I put my own air horn and prank myself?"

JJ shrugged. "You _are _reaching fifty, Rossi. I mean, not that that's old or anything..." She added quickly when Rossi turned to glare at her.

"What about Prentiss? Her flour bomb prank could have been a cover up. It was the least, well, harmless, of the crimes." Rossi turned the attention to the newest member of the team.

Prentiss held her hands up defensively. "Hey, that prank was _not_ harmless. I had to spend 30 minutes cleaning all the flour out of my hair." She turned to Reid, who was staring off into space, looking like he had something on his mind. Well, more so than usual. "Reid? What are you thinking?"

Reid turned to look at them, his eyebrows furrowed. "Well, the only two people who haven't gotten pranked or haven't been targeted yet are Morgan and JJ. Is it just me or is that just a bit strange?"

The two accused parties turned to look at each other. "Well, I certainly am not the prankster. Morgan?" JJ accused.

"Who's to say you're not? _I,_ on the other hand, am scared, because being the only one not pranked or targeted yet, I say that I soon will be caught off guard." Morgan defended himself. He turned to look at the one person who had not yet been accused.

"Baby girl? You've been awfully quiet, haven't you?"

Garcia looked at them, her expression similar to that of a deer in the headlights. "You're saying I did this? I would never- Hotch- the sour milk- I'd never even touch rotten milk!"

Morgan stroked his chin, narrowing his eyes. "Huh..."

"Everyone, go home, it's late." Everyone turned at the unexpected voice. Hotch had cleaned up. There were no traces of milk or chunks of it anywhere. The janitor had cleaned up the doorway, too, so it was like the incident had never occurred. But everyone knew better.

"We can talk about this tomorrow." He ordered.

The rest of the team relented. "Fine. But we meet here tomorrow at 8 a.m. sharp." Rossi ordered. Everyone agreed and started to pack their things to go home.

Tomorrow they would catch this unsub. They had to. Knowing the nature of this unsub, he or she would have to strike again. Very soon.

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**A/N- This is my first ever Criminal Minds story... I really hope I portrayed the characters accurately. There will be a second chapter to this if people want it. Who do you think the serial prankster is? Please review and share your thoughts!**

**Thanks**

**Anonymous Skrtle**


	2. Caught

**The Unsub We're Looking For...**

**Chapter 2**

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"I hope everyone got some rest last night. We have a lot to discuss today." Hotch greeted the team as they sat down around the round table. "The pranking ends today."

"We should probably start by listing the facts." Morgan suggested. He stood up, a dry erase marker in his hand. On the board, he wrote 'People who have already gotten pranked". Underneath, he listed "Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia, Aaron Hotchner".

"What about me?" Rossi asked.

"I don't really know what to put. The air horn _was_ placed under Reid's desk, so is he technically the victim? It was never actually meant for Rossi." Morgan pointed out.

"That's comforting." Rossi added sarcastically. "I nearly had a heart attack."

"Write Rossi's name down, just put a question mark under it. He's still a suspect." Prentiss ordered. Rossi glared at her.

"Where's JJ?" Reid piped up. Everyone turned to look at him. "She should be here by now."

Suddenly, a scream echoed throughout the office. "There she is." Rossi said, wincing. "It sounds like she's in labor. Again."

Hotch walked out of the room. "JJ?" He called. "What's wrong?"

In a few seconds, JJ and Hotch reappeared in the room. JJ held a dead snake in her hands. "Dude... did you kill that snake?" Morgan asked, impressed.

JJ threw it at him. Morgan yelped (like a girl) and tossed it to Reid, who was sitting directly in front of him.

Reid rolled his eyes. "It's fake, Morgan. I think we just found our next victim."

"Scared of snakes, are we, Morgan?" Prentiss teased. Morgan glared at her, writing down "Jennifer Jareau" underneath Rossi's name.

Hotch looked at the list. "That only leaves you, Morgan." Everyone's eyes turned to stare at the man.

Morgan sputtered helplessly. "It-it could still be Reid or Rossi! We can't be sure yet." He tried to defend himself.

"I mean, he's right. Spence is a genius _and_ a profiler; who's to say he didn't just predict Rossi would sit on his chairwhen he did?" JJ pointed out. Reid looked at her, betrayed.

"JJ! I thought you were on my side!"

"I have to consider all the possibilities." She shrugged.

"Speaking of all the possibilities, JJ could have faked that prank." Reid pointed out, wanting to get back at the woman for accusing him. "She could easily have faked the scream. I mean, no one saw her actually find the snake. She could have been behind this all along."

Everyone turned to look at JJ accusingly. "Guys, come on..." She begged. "I wouldn't stoop that low."

Prentiss groaned loudly. "This is getting nowhere. We can't just keep on accusing each other."

Morgan gave her a look. "What else are we supposed to do? We've gotta get a confession, or this person will never get caught!"

"For all we know, Morgan did it! He's the only one who hasn't gotten pranked, fake or not!" Prentiss argued. The two glared at each other.

"Reid hasn't either!"

"Yeah, but at least he almost got pranked!"

"So? But he didn't!"

The team turned their attention to the youngest member of their team, who looked like he was going to have a serious migraine right about now.

"I didn't do this!" He groaned. "And did anyone make coffee today? My head hurts."

Morgan narrowed his eyes at him. "Uh huh. Or is that just an excuse? I'll go get you your coffee so you don't pull any tricks, _Einstein."_ Still mad about his argument with Prentiss, he stormed out of the room.

"We have to stop this today, or Strauss is going to fire all of our butts." Prentiss told them. "And I don't want to get fired." She whined.

"Seriously; this is old already. Why can't whoever did it just own up to it?" Rossi asked. No one responded. A voice broke the silence.

"Hey, look what someone left outside the office! It's a present!" Morgan's excited voice came through the door. He held a huge present, gift-wrapped and all, in his hands. "I wonder what it is-"

He had just pulled the bow open when confetti and glitter blew up in his face. No one made one noise for a the first few seconds; everyone was in shock. Then Prentiss cracked up. Soon, everyone was crying tears of laughter.

Everyone except Morgan. "There's glitter in my eyes! What kind of sick prank is this?" He ran out of the room to wash off his eyes, covered in green and red and yellow and blue and every color you could possibly think of.

"Morgan, did you get my coffee?" Reid called back, smiling.

"Screw off, Pretty Boy!" Morgan shouted back. Everyone only laughed harder.

Reid stood up, still grinning. "I'm going to go get some coffee. You guys want to come with?" He asked. The rest of the team stood up to follow him (and to watch Morgan's current plight play out). Reid led the way out of the room.

"I can't believe Morgan actually fell for that!" JJ chuckled. "That was such a lame prank." She added. "Even lamer than the air horn prank Rossi fell for." Rossi rolled his eyes.

"The probability of someone actually sending the BAU a present is almost-" Reid started, but he never got a change to finish. Somehow, by pushing open the door, he had activated a red boxing glove that was somehow screwed to the wall.

It swung towards the genius's face, and before he had time to react, punched him right in the face. Reid stumbled back, crying out. The rest of the team watched, mouths wide open.

"Reid! Are you okay?" JJ asked after a few moments of silent shock, concerned. Reid held his hands over his face, groaning.

"Here, let me see." Prentiss took Reid's hands away from his face. His nose was bleeding heavily, and soon Emily's hands were covered in blood too. "Someone get him a tissue or something!" Rossi hurried towards the bathroom.

"Are you alright, my Junior G-Man?" Garcia asked with concern. "This has gone on too far! We've got to catch this guy! The pranks were funny at first, but we can't have them hurting our team!"

"Iss juss a bloody nose, Garcia. I'm fine." Reid mumbled, his words being muffled by the hand covering his nose. Rossi finally came back with the tissues.

"Come on, the joke's up!" Garcia continued. "Just confess and no one gets hurt." She threatened, looking every team member in the eye except for Reid, whose nose was still gushing blood.

"Woah- what happened to you, Pretty Boy?" Morgan asked, having cleaned up (though there was still some green glitter stuck on his head- not that anyone would point that out to him).

"Someone pranked him. I guess they realized the airhorn prank didn't harm its intended target, and so they made sure that Reid got pranked too." Hotch explained.

"I would have preferred the airhorn." Reid muttered through the wall of tissues blocking the blood flow from his nostrils.

"Wait a minute." Rossi realized. "This means that everyone has gotten pranked already." He pointed out.

"Yeah, but there's still a possibility that JJ or even Prentiss faked their pranks." Morgan argued. The two females glared at him threateningly.

"Yes, but what if the unsub _isn't_ part of the BAU?" Rossi continued.

"So what you're saying is... our profile was wrong?" JJ confirmed.

Rossi shrugged. "There's a first time for everything. And this _is_ the first time we've tried to profile a prankster. It might not be the same as with a serial killer."

"Oh my gosh! I got it!" Garcia suddenly yelled, making everyone flinch. Reid dropped his bloody tissues and Rossi had to go retrieve another box.

"Thank you for almost giving me _another_ heart attack, Garcia." Rossi said bitterly. "What is it?"

"Chocolate Thunder- the present you found." Garcia started, turning to look at Morgan. "It was outside the office right?" Morgan nodded. "There's a camera in that hallway- it could have captured who left the present there!" Garcia finished, excited.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Emily said. Everyone hurried over into Garcia's lair. Garcia sat in her chair and did her thing, pulling up the camera.

She started from the beginning of the day, 8 a.m., to the current time. The video was playing, playing, playing...

"There!" JJ said loudly. There's someone in the corner, putting the present by the door. Zoom in on the face, Garcia." She ordered.

Garcia did as she was told. "It's a man." She told them excitedly. They were finally about to catch the criminal. Well, the prankster. "I got it!" The face was zoomed in, and everyone could see clearly whose face it was. The face was all too familiar.

"No. Way." Garcia gasped. Everyone was silent for a few moments.

"Hotch?!" Prentiss yelled, completely and utterly shocked. The _one_ person she hadn't suspected. "_You're _the prankster?"

Hotch's face showed no signs of emotion. Then he sighed, sitting down next to Garcia. "Yes. It was me." He confessed.

"Well, _that_ was quick confession. That could mean he's hiding something." Morgan pointed out.

Hotch shook his head. "There's no hiding from a team of profilers. It was me. Only me. I promise."

Rossi narrowed his eyes at him. "How can we be sure you're not lying? After all, you've been lying to us this whole time."

"Technically, you guys never asked me if I did it. It never even came up. So I therefore didn't lie to you." Hotch argued. No one could deny that.

"Yeah, but that was only because you got sour milk poured all over your-" Reid stopped mid sentence. "Wait. Did you pull a George Foyet on us?"

Hotch shrugged, not meeting their eyes. "I guess you could call it that... Hey, just because I beat him to death doesn't mean he wasn't good at being a criminal!" He turned to the youngest member of the team. "And by the way, Reid, I'm really sorry about your nose. That prank wasn't meant for you."

"Then who _was_ it meant for?" Reid asked, more curious than angry.

Hotch took a deep breath. "Morgan. You were supposed to have retrieved the gift. But I didn't factor in the probability that Morgan would offer to get you your coffee. I mean, it's never happened before. The punch was supposed to only stun Morgan, since he's... well..."

"Way tougher than Reid, whose body is built like a twig?" Rossi offered. Reid glared at him while Morgan laughed.

"Yes." Hotch agreed. Reid gaped at him, offended. "But I'm really sorry. And I also apologize for almost giving you a heart attack, Rossi. And to everyone else."

They all nodded in acceptance. They couldn't really do much, right? He was their unit chief. He could get all of them fired with a sign of his pen.

"Why did you do it, though?" JJ asked the question on everyone's minds. "What did you get out of it?"

Hotch looked at all of them. "Work's been tougher than usual lately... I was telling Jack a few nights ago about how my team was always tired and depressed. I mean, seeing dead bodies and catching horribly deranged criminals does that to people. So he suggested I play pranks on all of you, since April Fool's had just passed and he had been obsessing about pranks. He even helped me plan it out and everything. He thought it would take your minds off of the evil stuff." Hotch explained. At the mention of Jack's name, everyone softened up.

"He helped you prank us? You know I can't be mad at an 9 year old, Hotch." Prentiss complained. "I'm supposed to be mad at you too, but I can't bring myself to be." She admitted. The rest of the team muttered their agreement.

"I guess we can't be mad, since it _did_ help us all smile, right? _And_ it took our minds off of hunting serial killers for a while." Garcia pointed out. "So I guess you've accomplished your mission, Sir."

Hotch let out one of his rare smiles. "I guess I have."

* * *

Hotch should have seen it coming when he walked to the parking lot after work and saw all four of his tires painted a bright pink with flowers on them.

It was an ultra rare occasion, but Hotch smiled for the second time that day.

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**A/N- Thank you for all the reviews; I really appreciate them! Please tell me what you guys thought of the ending! Who thought it would be Hotch of all people? Thanks for reading and see you all soon!**


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